Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Way to Grace

How cool is this sign? We saw it in Idaho on our drive back home from Arizona.

Happy New Year's Day everyone!! Can you believe it's 2009?! How time does fly and how so many things can manifest in a single year! Change is, indeed, the only constant. Yesterday was a very interesting day. The night before, Michael (my hubby) and I were starting to feel like going over to the east side of the mountains for the new year may not be the best idea. We had been packing...a box full of board games, a big bag of produce in the fridge and a huge pile of warm clothes piling up at our entrance. There were logical reasons and above all, it was a feeling. We figured we would touch base later in the day.

Honey was at work and I was getting ready to go to Yoga class before giving a couple massages. I went to take the compost out (which is quite a trek through knee-high powder!) and take our old doggie out for fresh air and a bathroom break. Our old dog Jaxon just died last month and Hendrix was getting equally old (13!) and unable to get up the stairs and stand up sometimes. It is hard to see someone you love and have climbed mountains with be unable to hold his rear legs under him to stand on our slick laminate flooring. He took a little tumble down the bottom stairs and although he didn't really hurt himself, the fear in his old, cloudy eyes and the desperate cry for help I heard in them began a streaming of tears for the next 5 hours.
I called Michael and tried to gather myself to focus on giving grounded bodywork within the circle of Life and Death and then focus again on what we needed to do for Hendrix. My electric windows wouldn't roll down at the bank, so I used my door. While driving toward work, my window suddenly collapsed into the door. Thank goodness it didn't shatter, but it was 20 degrees and snowing and I had no window. I called our local mechanic, whose # I know by heart and was greeted by a familiar voice (kind of like the show Cheers, but with oil instead of beer). Barely able to talk, I tried to explain I was sad about my dog, rather than my car, but was wondering if he could help. A quick phone call later and he got this "damsel in distress" an appointment and a lift back downtown to work. My husband and I decided it was time to put Hendrix down and allow his Spirit to slide out his withered body into a place of Light. I was able to reschedule my appointments and we were there with him, looking each other in the eyes, gratefully streaming through memories of all the places we have played together. He was happy to let go...ready..and so much easier than holding on to something that isn't working anymore.

My Love had broken through the frost and dug a grave a few days prior, pretty sure Hendrix wasn't going to make it until Spring and aware of the massive snowfall continuing. Wrapped in a beautiful Mexican blanket we lowered first him, then dirt into a resting home for the body that housed his Spirit, lying next to his brother Jaxon by the trees and river...the hillside where they ran, chased squirrels, chased sticks and once got caught in a fox trap (not ours!!)

As I followed my husband (him pulling the orange, plastic sled that carried Hendrix and myself boot packing through very deep snow, with a shovel in each hand, I was so deeply moved by the intense beauty of Life, of our lives and of the lifestyles of Montanans. There is something magical about the depths we go to, to Live and Love in a region where the Winters can be so severe. Something magical about cross country skiing to our neighbors home, who just lost her daughter to shovel snow from her walk and deck. Something magical about seeing fireworks from our window last night as our other neighbors celebrated the New Year. Something magical about the first frost that takes the tomatoes of your dreams and leads you to ripe rosehips in the forest instead and something so magical about fresh buds on trees in Spring...a beauty that is gifted every year, yet seems so new every time!

So, I find myself grateful in a way I didn't expect today and awed by the Mystery of Life. I am leading private Kundalini meditations with a gentleman and he chose Kirtan Kriya as a 40 day personal meditation. The mantra is "Sa Ta Na Ma" which translates as "Infinity, Life, Death, Rebirth"...what an amazing cycle of a beautiful Great Mystery!

(p.s. On the raw food tip, the New Year has begun with an orange, a green smoothie and a yummy salad)


Emily said...

After getting a voicemail from Michael yesterday, I though I would check in with the blog. Little did I know I would end up sitting down to such a wonderful, touching entry. So sorry to hear about the doggies but I am sure they are in a better place. After I cleaned up the tears that had were rolling down my face I went out to the couch(Where winny was napping) and snuggled up with him.
Thank you!
Have a wonderful day Kel!

Raw in Montana! said...

Hey mama! Thanks for your words-I am glad you got to cuddle with Winny! From the pics it looks like Winny and Ellie are getting along well too! We love ya and hope you had a fun holiday season-Happy New Year!!
XO, KO :)